that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
