U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
