i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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