I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
