i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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