I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
