Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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