Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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