My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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