it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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