I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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