He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
