A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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