A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
