hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
