I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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