Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
