my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
