Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
