The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
