Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Randomize
