My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The adults are the big ones right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
