So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
