Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
