TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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