i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
