How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
