I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
