its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
