It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
