Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish I only lived at night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
