I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize