So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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