you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
