Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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