I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
