If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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