Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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