Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
