new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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