There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
