Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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