friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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