Can i not drive my cunt home
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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