can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
