My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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