Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize