i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
