dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
