Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize