I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
