I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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