i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
