found the other keg... it's in the tree
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
