I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
