Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
