I am puke
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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