No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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