If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my liver is dry heaving
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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