The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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