i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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