She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
How external is "for external use only"?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
