Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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