i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
