He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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