I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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