i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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