Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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