considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
