Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize