9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
