i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
