i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize