you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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