Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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